Failure of expectations

No, this has nothing to do with the expected value of a random variable, unless that random variable is one that describes whether I succeed at things. This is, after all, Sunday, so we're taking the day off from math.

Two weeks ago, I wrote that I thought I was mentally prepared for running Mark Twain. That, obviously was laughably wrong. Not only did I fold when the going got tough, I folded almost immediately. The time from the onset of real difficulties to the DNF was just over an hour; in the context of a 100; that's a pretty quick collapse.

So how was I that far off in my assessment of readiness? Honestly, I'm not entirely sure, but a few possible explanations come to mind:

1. It's been a while (18 months) since I've done one of these and I forgot how hard they are.
2. Lowering my goals made me less likely to fight for them because I didn't consider them worthy. This one has history on it's side. The only other running race I've ever DNF'd was also a 100 where I was just trying to finish. While I've never won a 100, I usually go into them thinking I should be competitive (and, I usually am).
3. Looking bad in front of the local crowd was particularly discouraging. This is certainly true, but it's not like they've never seen me in trouble before. Furthermore, everyone was being genuinely supportive. Pride may well have had something to do with it, but that certainly wasn't the fault of circumstance.

I'm guess it's a combination of all three, but mostly 2. At any rate, I signed up to run the Tunnel Hill 100 in a few weeks to sort all this crap out. I can't go out to Leadville not being 100% sure that I can run a 100.