Monday, February 26, 2018

Not what I signed up for

I wasn't quite so arrogant as to think it would be easy but, I have to say, I'm a bit taken aback by how much difficulty I'm having getting some decent research done. Yes, I'm old. Yes, I'm holding down a fairly stressful day job. Yes, I have a family to tend to. Excuses are not the makers of greatness.

Actually, I'm not even after greatness. If four years ago someone had told me they were looking at my topic in pursuit of a PhD, I would have thought it was credible research, but certainly wouldn't have been overly impressed. Most open problems are open not because they are super hard but because nobody has gotten around to them yet. Mine certainly falls into the latter category.

But, here I am struggling to get anything of merit out of my research. It's a little depressing. I have to say I feel like the dumbest student on campus right now. (Well, OK, the dumbest PhD student. Some of the undergrads are clueless in ways I can't even describe). That said, it's also somewhat refreshing. Sure, making our dates at work is hard. But, there's never any doubt that we can actually do it. Ultrarunning carries a modest risk of failure, but it's not like the stakes are particularly high. I don't like it when I don't run well, but nobody else cares.

Having an activity that comes at great cost and where failure is a very real possibility is not a common thing for me.

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